Sore throat

skipped the gym this AM, have a wicked sore throat.  Hope its just allergies, I took a pill this morning. Don't you just hate it when your best intentioned plans fall apart? I am planning on hitting the gym after work (2ish) since we have a going away party tonight. The plan is to eat first, because I know there will be nothing but non point friendly dishes there haha wish me luck!

Why not Beer & Ice cream?

Trip to Vermont = nutrition disaster. I made Jillian Banana Blueberry muffins, but that was probably the only healthy thing I ate all weekend. We woke up at 4:40 am to get ready to leave, Kevin wanted to wait to have breakfast in Vermont at the restaurant he used to work at, so my stomache was growling.
general food recap...
sat ~5:15am DD iced coffee with splenda
       6:00 am Jillian muffin
       9:00 am eggs, homefries, wheat toast at the restaurant
       12:00 pm Jillian muffin
        3:00 pm Beer from the Magic Hat Brewery & the growler we bought & a kashi granola bar
        7:00pm dinner at American Flatbread (organic at least!) 3 different types (sausage, cheese & mushroom) 1/2 a beer, 1 glass of wine. Followed by 2 just seltzer & lime at the bar! (go me! DD!)
sun  8am: breakfast at the hotel, small bagel with peanut butter & banana, hard boiled egg & coffee
       12:30pm: leftover flatbread pizza
       3:00pm sample at Ben & Jerry's, then a small dish of coconut 7 layer cake (would HATE to see those nutritionals!)
       4:00pm samples of chedder cheese at the Cabot store
       8:00pm sugar cookie

Seriously.... what a disaster. Feel gross & HUGE upon returning home. Do NOT want to go near the scale at all. Desperately need to get to the gym, foot is feeling great, so Im going to go in the AM tomorrow.

As far as the boy situation, he changed his relationship status back after we talked on friday. He came over friday night and we grilled (steak for him, chicken for me), I made corn on the cob & baked potatoes. The trip went well overall, it was good to meet some of his friends, and see where he grew up. we talked about moving forward and moving in together, the re-proposal. we bought fireworks on the way home in New Hampshire. So things in that department are looking up as well.

Heres to getting back on track, starting tomorrow though since my roomie somehow convinced me to make my asiago cheese dip (at least im using FF sour cream & light mayo!) to eat with Stacy's pita chips (soooooo good, but my weakness) while we watch the bachelorette tonight. So tomorrow AM is Gym & back on track!

Facebook status = ?

::Sigh:: I really wanted this blog to be about running & weight loss, but my relationship drama seems to have taken a front seat.

This morning I go on facebook, as usual and check my messages, notifications, etc. Kevin said he was posting a thing on meat to my wall because I was going to pick up some meat to grill for him for dinner tonight. I notice that our anniversary date is removed from my page. I then also notice that he no longer has a relationship status on his page. HE REMOVED ME. I mean, I guess he didn't put he was single, or that its complicated, but he just erased (he said Hid) me away from his profile. I was so upset, I called him & he called me back & told me he just wanted to keep things private. He removed his birthdate year, our relationship, etc because he didn't think it was anyone's business. Umm helloooo our status has been on facebook for the past 5 years, and now all the sudden you decide you want it private? WHO CARES if people know we're in a relationship, everyone knows already. We fought on the phone for 30 min, he said if it was that big a deal he would put it back. I mean seriously, how did he think I would react. He didn't even let me know, I found out by looking at his profile. Am I over reacting here?

Work was tough, my foot is killing me, I think I'm going to go swimming for a little bit & lay out since its GORGEOUS outside. We are grilling tonight for dinner, then staying in before an early morning to Vermont tomorrow.

Life is exhausting

Seriously, this week I have come home from work (a half day, mind you), and been ready to drop. So exhausted like I could sleep the night away. I really would be preferring to work out in the AM, but I need to readjust to waking up at 5am. Today I woke up at 5:30am, but went back to sleep haha. Today I came home from work, ate some watermelon, popcorn and crackers then crashed upstairs to read. Significantly better than yesterday. I am not even hungry for dinner now though. I still feel bloated and gross. I went upstairs to relax a little too late today. I need to really keep my strategies in check in the moment. I did manage to drag myself to the gym around 5, even though I was sluggish & dragged through 30 min on the elliptical before leaving. Im working on hitting the sack early tonight with an AM workout. I need to finish laundry & start packing for the weekend away. I need to figure out how to stay on track this weekend....

muffins, granola & cookies oh my!

I feel so gross I was dreading even writing a blog entry.

Why is it that even though you may know food is not the answer, that you know there are other ways to deal with frustrations & you KNOW you have been working so hard lately at staying on track, these things still happen?? I thought being at work would be good, but honestly its stressing me out. I'v been fighting with the short term disability, remembering that were short-staffed at work, and get home feeling wiped.  I didn't even make it to the gym today. I don't even want to think of what got stuffed into me, but I need to get it out of me somehow, so writing will do since vomiting is not an option.

2 (organic, jillian) pumpkin blueberry muffins 12 pts total
?? how many chocolate covered almonds ?Pts
some leftovers from last night ~5 pts
Sweet potato fries and little appetizer things ~9 pts
~1/4 cup light granola 2 pts
1 granola chocolate cookie 2 pts
1 MGD 64 1 pt

so... that means 31 pts + the chocolate almond points + the 10 I had total for breakfast & lunch. GROSS. this is the biggest binge I've had in a LONG time. The disability problems got solved so hopefully that wont be stressful tomorrow. I know not being able to go to the gym when I want is getting to me. I'm going to try going early before work tomorrow, then maybe a short time right after work to blow off some steam. I seriously spent a good portion of today wishing I could win the lottery or become a stay at home mom so I could not go to work, eat when I'm actually hungry. listen to my body & workout when I want. I HATE that life gets in the way of sucess. Or do we have to learn to adapt at life to be successful?

Kevin & I are going to Vermont this weekend. He grew up near Burlington, but doesn't have family there, has never had a reason to take me. I've never met him hometown friends, seen where he used to work, or went to school. I could always show him those place since we go by them everyday here. I'm excited to share these things with him, I can't believe its taken over 5 years to do it. We haven't really talked about things since saturday, I think just re-stabilizing the relationship is important to do before we really figure out what the next step is.

Heres what I need to do:
1. Tomorrow is WI day. I will WI (Im sure it will suck) my points will reset & I will work HARD at staying on track,
2. I will hit the gym in the AM and pack a bag to go directly from work, maybe for swimming if its nice out. If I really need to rest my foot after work, I will come home & lay in bed, upstairs away from food for 30 min.
3. I will buy NO new scratch tickets until I can stay OP for a whole week without bingeing (Ive become addicted to scrabble & Bingo scratch tickets lately!)

Thats my plan. sorry I write such long posts if your still reading this! haha

What A Crock!

I'm having a hard time adjusting to being at work. I'm falling into the old habit of walking in the door, and finding something to eat, even if I'm not hungry. I think what I need to try is finding something to occupy myself with for at least 10 minutes when I get home to unwind & avoid food. I think I'll try reading, checking facebook, or even heading right to the gym. Although the gym may not work that well since I think my foot should rest between work & gym time.

Today I jogg/walked 3 miles! I jogged for 10 minutes straight & felt awesome! My foot felt fabulous, the breathing was tough. It's the endurance from not being able to do much since my surgery thats weighing me down from being more active. I was doing so well with staying in points, but then got so mad with my short term disability drama that I ate some chocolate chips. Not many I don't think, I mean, I didn't measure or anything haha

Made dinner. Tasty Turkey Sausage Bowls from WW magazine
   Browned 6 sweet turkey sausages in a skillet, then removed from pan
   Then heated 1 1/2 c. ff organic chicken broth in the skilled to scrape up the turkey brown bits in the pan, then put it in the crockpot.
    Added a 1# bag of frozen pearl onions, 1/2 cup golden rasins, salt & pepper to crockpot, then layered the sausages on the top
    Cooked on high for 4-6 hours (or low for 8-10)
   Then I removed the sausages & cut into 5 diagonal slices per link. Added 5 oz. baby spinach to mixture until wilted (the recipee called for more, but I thought it would be too much). Stirred in the sausage & 1 TBSP balsamic vinegar.
   Served each serving with a 1/2 cup brown rice, 1/2 cup of the onion mixture & 5 sausage slices for 7 pts total. delish!

Kevin came over for dinner tonight, the first time I've cooked for him since we broke up 3 weeks ago. I started wearing my engagement ring again...but around my neck. I still feel like its a part of me, but I know it doesn't belong on my finer right now. We're planning a trip to Vermont this weekend, more on that tomorrow. WI in 2 days!

Back to Work...

Today was my first day back to work in 9 weeks. I'm starting with half days for now, until the MD says otherwise. It was good to get back, worked with an awesome stroke patient who I get to see again tomorrow. My foot was tired after 3 hours of treatment time though!

I was really nervous about planning my food with going back to work. Being at home, I've been eating when I'm hungry. At work, you have to eat when lunch is. I had been eating lunch around 1:30/2 before, so 12 is really early. I was soooo hungry for dinner early today. Made some salmon with olive oil & a lemon pepper seasoning, and some sweet potato fries. Used a few weeklies today since I was so hungry. I really want to stay in my DP range until thursday WI, so I need to plan a little better.

I went swimming laps at the gym after work. I read in my HRM instruction book that I could wear it in the pool, so I did. I am LOVING that #1 its a pink wristwatch & #2 that not only does it track my HR, but my calorie expenditure. I Definitely recommend it!
I am planning on hitting the gym after work tomorrow ( probably after icing) and hopefully getting in a little jog. Gotta stay focused!!

Cirq Du Soliel!

Last night Kevin & I went out to dinner, drinks & to see 'Ovo' the traveling Cirq Du Soliel in Hartford. We've seen 'La Nouba' & 'Kooza' together & I saw 'O' & 'Love' in Vegas while there for work last summer. We talked a lot at dinner about moving forward with things, him moving in as a possibility, and expectations for our future & getting re-engaged. Next weekend he's going to take me to Vermont to see where he grew up. I can't believe we've been together 5 1/2 years and I've never been up there. I guess since he doesn't have family there, we've never had much of a reason to go. Things are definitely looking up :)

I did have a quite a few glasses of wine last night, and he got a popcorn during intermission that I ate some of. I used some weeklies to accommodate, but didn't even finish them off. I'm trying to stay very focused and on track now, since I go back to work half days starting tomorrow. I need to go grocery shopping & decide what will be the smartest thing for me to pack & take. I haven't been OP at work in a looong time (maybe years) without tracking. I always ate good, whole foods, but just too much. heres what Im thinking...

grill some chicken to top salads for the week
maybe organic yogurt
for snacks maybe apples, string cheese, almonds

I need to pre-track to see how it will all work out. I do have to admit Im a little nervous.

Yesterday I jogged/walked for 31 minutes & completed 2.27 miles! it felt so good & my foot is feeling better than ever. I went swimming at the gym for some laps on friday, I think I'll do it again monday after work. Ill post later my plan for the first part of the week for gym time, now I'm off to make a grocery list!

Smiling again!

Good things are happening!

       1. I jogged again today! for 15 minutes 2:1 intervals, jogging between 4.4 & 5.5 (which is my typical treadmill speed) and recovering at 3.5. It felt soooo good to get moving like this again. I am going to look into a 5k for August or late July. Even if I walk/run, I know I will make it & it will feel so good to get back to racing.

        2. I have a follow up appt at the surgeons today, so hopefully I will be able to return to work Monday! It may be for half days, and I have been enjoying this time off, but I miss my coworkers, I miss helping my patients. I am already dreaming up the wonderful stroke patients and treatments I will get to do when I return. Of course I know it is very stressfull at work right now with our staffing, but I think my time off has made me much more relaxed.

       3.I'm getting back on track with my eating. After a stressful friday, and crying filled weekend with too many drinks and nibbles, I didnt track. In fact, I havent tracked since Friday. Today I am tracking again, had a good workout and am ready to move forward .

      4. After our talk on Tuesday about a fresh start, things have been better with Kevin. He called me out of the blue Wednesday night after golf, then again this morning on his way to work. He asked me to go to Cirq du soliel with him saturday night and I said yes.  I miss him & I'm ready for things to get back on track.

I haven't cried since Monday, and I'm just feeling so much better about everything. Now I need to refocus on my clean eating and weightloss. wish me luck! p.s. Today is WI day, but since I haven't been focusing, I'm going to give myself a day of focus before WI so I don't get discouraged & give up. look for results tomorrow!

Jason and Jeanine - One last breath

Watching SYTYCD & remembering some of my favs :)

Shhh I jogged!!

Don't tell my surgeon! Today I was at the gym, my foot was feeling great.  I did 30 min on the recumbent bike, 20 min of arm & leg lifting, then went for my 15 min of walking on the treadmill. I did 1 mile of walking from 3.0 to 4.2, then went to 4.4 at the last minute and decided to try a slow jog.  It felt so great, I broke into a HUGE smile. Instead of going over to the elliptical as I planned, I decided to try 10 minutes of walking/jogging. I started at 4.4 and worked my way to 5.0 and felt awesome! Whew, my heart rate went up since I haven't been able to work this hard yet. I am definitely feeling I could schedule a 5k for august, which makes me the happiest I have been in months.

Kevin called monday, I didn't call him back. I called back on tuesday. He said he missed me, he wanted to talk about how we could move forward with things. He came over for a couple hours & we discussed things. Maybe this time away was a good thing. He had some really good insights on the situation and on making things work between us. I told him if we are getting back together, and he wants to marry me, then he needs to propose again. We were both not happy with how it went the first time. I told him I thought a new one would be like a fresh start to move forward with our relationship moving towards marriage. He broke into the biggest smile, said he loved that idea.  He wanted to go home & think about how we will have our fresh start. I'm happy he's finally understanding things. Im happy & looking forward to what the future holds.

"I can't Breathe!"

Last night I ended up at the urgent care center with my roomate, who has extreme allergies. She ate a grilled cheese sandwich for dinner, then her airway started to close up, she was itchy. They ended up giving her a prescription for prednisone, and told us to get some benedryl. She's feeling much better now.

It made me think of all the episodes of biggest loser & Jillian's new show, where all the people scream "I CANT BREATHE!!" & Jillian usually screams back "YOU WONT DIE, KEEP MOVING!!" Breathing difficulties can be serious though. people should remember that during all those shows the contestants are under constant medical supervision in case something goes wrong. The last think you want to do is push yourself past the point where you can't breathe to where you pass out, or some other serious medical complication.

Went to the gym with the roomie today. Relax we took it easy due to her breathing problems. Then we laid out in the sun by my mom's pool & scratched scratch tickets. Tonight were going to make stir fry for dinner.

The Kevin situation has been so difficult still. I went to his house sat & sun to talk without being invitied. I just can't give him the space he wants. I've become 100% more clingy than I ever have been in a million years from all of this. I left sunday afternoon from his house and havent talked to him since. He called last night, but didn't leave a message. He called at the time we used to talk every night at before bed. I wasn't home & I didn't call him back. I am so proud of myself. If he doesn't call tonight, I may call him back then, we'll see.

Other plus side, I wore my sneakers for 1 1/2 hours today! I got up to 4.2 on the treadmill. I really wanted to pick it up to a jog, but I figured its probably too early. Ill have to check about it at my next MD appt on thursday. The wound is healing better so hopefully I can get in the pool to go swimming this week or next!

I've been bad about tracking my points, and staying on track. My emotions have gotten the best of me lately, or going out has done me in. Wish me luck in getting back on track today & the rest of the week!

today is the day

Today is the day I wore sneakers for the first time since my surgery. I only wore them for about an hour. I went to the gym and got up to a 3.4 on the treadmill with them on for 10 minutes. I did the bike for 15, then came home to ice because it was starting to get sore, and i was starting to get sad again. Look how wide the laces are apart on the left foot because its still so swollen!

Today is the day that was supposed to be the happiest day of my life. A little less than a year ago we decided that we would postpone our wedding from today. Never did I think that the date would come, and our relationship is horribly on the rocks. I thought we would at least be planning for a new happiest day of our lives. Instead I've had the most miserable 2 weeks imaginable.

Today is the day I will do better with my clean eating.  I had a Jafra party last night that 15 of my friends rsvpd yes to. only 3 showed. I had bought all this food and I was so mad. I drank a lot of wine, and ate what i wanted (healthyish, but granted too much). Then I let my roomate convince me to go out for drinks after & I had 3 more cocktail. I have a headache & feel sluggish today. Its affecting my hormones & emotions and Im crying even more today. I am on track with a healthy breakfast today, and will continue the rest of the day. Just going to a friend's dance recital tonight, so no drinking should be involved there.

Today is the day i NEED to start feeling better. This whole issue with Kevin is throwing me on an emotional roller coaster I cannot handle. Not the fun kind, the kind where you want to throw up everywhere.

wish me luck.

My favorite running things!

Even though I can't run right now, I really wanted to share some of my favorite running things that I learned I cannot live without over the last few years...

Nike Women's tempo running shorts! I love them! I like to wear short shorts, and have my legs free when I run. The don't ride up or down while I'm running, the moisture wicking is great & theres even a little pouch inside for a house key if I'm just going out for a short run.

Body Glide. essential for preventing chafing & uncomfortable rubbing. I use it between my thighs, on the arches of my feet & toes to prevent blisters & on my arms if I'm wearing a tank top. 

This is my fuel for long runs. I tried the Gu, Clif Blocks, and even mini luna bars. These were definately the best thing for me. They are sweet, but the flavor is good. I like the texture, they are easier to chew than the gummies or blocks. I usually take a swig of water with them, and chew them pretty easily. I have a pretty sensitive stomach and they have NEVER upset it.

My favorite running shoe. I think I started using these before I even knew any better & loved them. Then a couple years ago I went to a shoe store to be fit & measured & analyzed. They told me what I already knew, these were a perfect shoe for me! I wear my own orthotics inside, but they are good, stable, supportive shoes. I don't know if I'd ever try anything else.

My other essentials are my running belt for long runs. I have a water bottle on it, and keep my beans, chapstick, & either a cell phone or camera depending on the race. Hope you guys enjoy checking out my favorite things!

I had my WI today and was down 3 pounds!! So excited, I am treating myself to a manicure today :) I also treated myself to a massage yesterday. I signed up for a monthly membership at the massage place so I got yesterdays for free & the membership gives you $20 each massage you get. I think that will be a nice monthly reward to give myself for working hard.

I've been in a much better mood the last 2 days since Kevin & I talked on tuesday. He said he wants to see me tonight after dinner, so I am looking forward to it. Today I need to go grocery shopping & start cleaning around the house to get things ready for the tomorrow night! I'm having a JAFRA party. skincare stuff that I love, and hand/foot treatment stuff. should be a fun girls night! off to do stuff I go!

Lazzzy Day!

Today I think I will take off from the gym, since I've made it there every single day for a week.  The non healing foot is driving me nuts, maybe I'm doing too much. I think today will be a lazy day. Here's my gym plan for the next few days:

Thurs - 30 min bike, Abs & Back lifting, 30 min elliptical, 10 min walking
Fri- 30 min bike, Arms & leg lifting, 30 min elliptical, 15 min walking
Sat- 45 min bike, 30 min elliptical, 15 min walking

My eating has been very clean lately. I kind of can't believe how well I have been doing. Not craving junk food, or processed foods. WI is tomorrow, I think I will have a positive result. I am having a party at my house on friday so I have to decide my party menu. Trying to come up with some natural, tasty options. I know I will do a veggie platter, probably the Harry & David dip I did last week. we'll see about the rest. Any ideas???

Kevin came over last night to talk. He never called like he said he would, I was trying so hard not to call him. But I did. And I'm glad. We had a really good talk. He wants to take me to the Sox game on Sunday, I told him I want to figure out where we stand first. He told me he misses me, and us spending time together, he's just scared. He asked if I thought he was being too picky. If I thought he was waiting for too many things to line up perfectly. I told him, I think that it's fine for him to think of how he ideally wants things to be. The problem comes that he is so close minded that he can't see anything happening other than what he pictures. I was so proud that he asked me that. I think he's finally starting to understand. He asked if he could see me on thursday night so we could talk more, so that is the plan. I hope that it all gets figured out, that we can go to the sox game sunday & have a fabulous time, and begin the rest of our life together, not apart.


Popchips Sour Cream & Onion Potato Chips, 0.8-Ounce Single Serve Bags (Pack of 24) [Amazon Frustration-Free Packaging]I caved to the emotional eating. It wasn't horrible, but not what I wanted. I went to the grocery store to pick up some dinner stuff, fruit, eggs & egg whites. I also picked up some sour cream & onion pop chips. Came home thinking of how I wished I was buying dinner stuff for the 2 of us. Poured a glass of red wine & at the whole bag of pop chips. In reality, not too bad, only 7.5 points. Then I was too sad to make dinner so I put a Kashi frozen pizza in the oven. 3 servings, but I ate the whole thing. 15 points. yikes. I went over by 14 today, used the rest of my weeklies and half my APs. WI is not until thursday so I have some time to try & make it up.  I got up to 3.4 on the treadmill today, every day is an improvement. I also sanded & power washed my decks to get ready to stain them tomorrow. Trying to keep busy.


I managed not to cry yesterday. Kept myself busy as I could. I hung the mirror up over the couch he said he would do 5 months ago.  Today I am feeling sick to my stomach. Not physically ill, I'm 90% sure it's coming from my head. To have your best friend, the person you love most in the world ripped from your life is unbearable.  To remember all the times shared, amazing moments, and things that may never happen now. I can't stop crying again, I just want to hear him say "I figured it out! I'm ready to marry you! I can't imagine my life without you in it! Let's do this!" I know that I will jump at the chance for us to be together again & in my heart I really think that some form of that will happen, at least I'm hopeful that it will.  Then, how would I trust him again, to know that the same thing wouldn't happen as a new wedding date approaches? This coming saturday was our original wedding date.  I don't think it would have really phased me if we were still together, but knowing that the wedding may never happen has gotten me to feel a whole new set of unhappiness. I miss him so much, and I last saw him saturday. I am literally counting down the hours until I will hear from him again.... I hope.

The next big thing.

I like to make goals. lists. pieces of paper, or writings on a computer to remind me what my focus needs to be on, why I'm doing what I am doing.
  1. Do not call Kevin or initiate communication with Kevin until tuesday (more on that later)
  2. Develop a more organized weightlifting plan
  3. Finish my house projects... stain the deck, finish the garden, put together the patio table & hang the large mirror over the couch
  4. Start getting excited about my eventual return to road races
  5. Focus on clean eating, counting points, and staying in control
Strangely, 5 has been easier since I feel so out of control with relationship right now. Having control over what I put into my body makes me feel as though I can control something. I can control my eating, my weight, my health. My roomate and I are going shopping later to help us avoid wanting to call our men (she has trouble with hers too). I will sit down and write out a lifting plan and post to here later. Raining out today, but I guess I could try to hang the mirror. I had been waiting for Kevin to hang it up, but oh well.

As far as racing is concerned, my friend Amy has been trying to get a group of us together to run in Niagra Falls in October. I know my foot will not be ready for a half by then. Im thinking maybe a 5k or 10k. I love Half marathons though. well, not entirely. I hate training long runs, I hate feeling like I may die before I finish haha but I love the sense of accomplishment afterwards. I am looking forward to doing the Disney full in 2012 & a sprint triathalon at some point but no solid plans. I have been googling races that might be fun, and my eyes are set here:

The run is mostly along the coast, and there are so many fun things to do in the area, I think it could be a lot of fun. Mayyybe I could convince some other friends to come with me & do the run. We've become quite the running group, except us all living in different states/areas makes it harder.

Wow, I write long entries. Well, a quick update on the Kevin situation. I was at the gym yesterday morning and only lasted 15 min, I started having an anxiety attack & couldn't breathe. I left. Called him in the parking lot. no answer. I went to his house. he was home. I rang the doorbell 3 times, called once & left a message then left. He called me back around 11ish, we talked for a little. I ignored everyones advice because I was just feeling so devastated, I felt like I HAD to see him, talk about things & what was going on. He came over around 3ish and didn't leave till after 5. We talked a lot, how much we love each other, and why he really wants this break. Next thing I knew, we ended up in bed. mistake? maybe. I know I'm feeling a lot better after. He said he was glad we talked. He just needed to make sure this is really what he wants before he jumps in. He said he wants to talk again soon, he has class monday, so we decided tuesday. Now I just need to stick to my guns and avoid initiating communication so he realizes how much he misses me/us. wish me luck, on everything.

I wish I could run it all away......

If only I could run right now! I would run away my sadness, frustration, and negative feelings. Since I can't I've just been crying. I thought I could be a strong person and tell him I didn't want him back until he knew he was 100% ready to marry me. But I can't. I love him so much, these past 4 days have been torture. We talked a little today, he hopefully is coming over later.

Tonight I am planning on going out for drinks with some coworkers and plan on spending a decent chunk of points on booze. love it. Last night roomie & I went to sit outside & listen to music at a local restaurant.  I didn't eat any of her nachos, go me!

As far as my foot is concerned. I Had bunion surgery about 7 weeks ago. Prior to my surgery I had been having killer pain at the bunion, having difficulty with running. The surgery has eliminated my pain (awesome!) but the incision has been slow to heal. I've been out of work for 7 weeks, and at least another 2. Yesterday I got up to 3.0 on the treadmill for a few minutes. My walking has been starting to look more normal. I haven't stayed at the gym very long the past few days because I was ready to burst into tears, or hyperventilate with anxiety.

I managed to make a healthy dinner last night & go shopping for some fruit. I am trying to keep myself in good condition. I hope all goes well today....

Rough time....

So the past few days have been horrible.

I have been attempting to pick out a wedding date with Kevin since we have been engaged over a year. This has been a hot topic for awhile. Thursday we discussed things and we said wed have a follow up after the weekend. We had a great weekend, he stayed over almost every night. Tuesday night I made us dinner as usual, and after kissing, dinner etc. He said he couldn't make me suffer any more while he made a decision. That he wanted to marry me, but the timing wasn't right.  He just doesn't think he's ready for the responsibility of marriage yet. He took back my ring.  Then he called that night and we discussed things for 3 hours. exhausting & emotional. He called and came over last night.  He apologized for his behavior & gave the ring back. I took it, but told him I didn't want to be with him if he wasn't sure if he wanted to marry me. He said he just wants some time to figure everything out. I told him I will not wait forever. I cried a lot. I told him everything I'll miss about us. Snuggling in his armpit, dinner & ghost adventure nights, red sox games, kisses, more Im sure i cant remember.  He said he just needed to go think & left. I haven't talked to him since last night.

I am very proud of myself for avoiding emotional eating. I have still made good choices, tracked my food & even hit the gym. (my foot is a story for another day) I had a loss of 2.5 today for WI! so that was some good news.

I am really hoping he figures himself and his personal issues i know he needs to work on. I want nothing more than us to be together and happy.....