The next big thing.

I like to make goals. lists. pieces of paper, or writings on a computer to remind me what my focus needs to be on, why I'm doing what I am doing.

1. Do not call Kevin or initiate communication with Kevin until tuesday (more on that later)
2. Develop a more organized weightlifting plan
3. Finish my house projects... stain the deck, finish the garden, put together the patio table & hang the large mirror over the couch
4. Start getting excited about my eventual return to road races
5. Focus on clean eating, counting points, and staying in control

Strangely, 5 has been easier since I feel so out of control with relationship right now. Having control over what I put into my body makes me feel as though I can control something. I can control my eating, my weight, my health. My roomate and I are going shopping later to help us avoid wanting to call our men (she has trouble with hers too). I will sit down and write out a lifting plan and post to here later. Raining out today, but I guess I could try to hang the mirror. I had been waiting for Kevin to hang it up, but oh well.

As far as racing is concerned, my friend Amy has been trying to get a group of us together to run in Niagra Falls in October. I know my foot will not be ready for a half by then. Im thinking maybe a 5k or 10k. I love Half marathons though. well, not entirely. I hate training long runs, I hate feeling like I may die before I finish haha but I love the sense of accomplishment afterwards. I am looking forward to doing the Disney full in 2012 & a sprint triathalon at some point but no solid plans. I have been googling races that might be fun, and my eyes are set here:

Fort Lauderdale A1A marathon & half marathon

The run is mostly along the coast, and there are so many fun things to do in the area, I think it could be a lot of fun. Mayyybe I could convince some other friends to come with me & do the run. We've become quite the running group, except us all living in different states/areas makes it harder.

Wow, I write long entries. Well, a quick update on the Kevin situation. I was at the gym yesterday morning and only lasted 15 min, I started having an anxiety attack & couldn't breathe. I left. Called him in the parking lot. no answer. I went to his house. he was home. I rang the doorbell 3 times, called once & left a message then left. He called me back around 11ish, we talked for a little. I ignored everyones advice because I was just feeling so devastated, I felt like I HAD to see him, talk about things & what was going on. He came over around 3ish and didn't leave till after 5. We talked a lot, how much we love each other, and why he really wants this break. Next thing I knew, we ended up in bed. mistake? maybe. I know I'm feeling a lot better after. He said he was glad we talked. He just needed to make sure this is really what he wants before he jumps in. He said he wants to talk again soon, he has class monday, so we decided tuesday. Now I just need to stick to my guns and avoid initiating communication so he realizes how much he misses me/us. wish me luck, on everything.