Showing posts with label Binge. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Binge. Show all posts

Dear Stephanie,


For the month of April, I've committed to 30 days of posting!

Join me, and go HERE for more info.

Day 10
Dear 16 year old me
Write a letter to yourself at age 16. What would you tell yourself? What would you make your younger self aware of?


Dear 16 year old Stephanie,
       
        Your life is not what you see it as. You may feel lonely, unpopular, fat, and powerless. Even though you spend hours after school stuffing your face, and playing on your computer, and feeling completely miserable and alone, you are stronger than you think. High school is not where everyone has their best years, in fact, yours will come later down the road. Later, when you have fought through the emotional binge eating, the isolation, and self-pity. Your best days will come when eating healthy and exercising teach you to start feeling better about yourself. You'll learn to put yourself out there, and make more friends, and learn that happiness and confidence come from feeling more comfortable in your own skin. One day, memories of sitting on the couch eating a box of oreos will seem foreign, and instead you'll look forward to the next marathon or triathlon you're training for. You'll still struggle at times with food, but overall you are stronger and you love yourself more than you ever did before, to go back to that place. You may not have a date for senior prom, and have to buy a dress in a big girl size, but one day you'll walk down the aisle in a gorgeous gown with the man you love. You may hate yourself, your body, your entire life, but those are just words. Pick your head up, and fight on, because your best is yet to come.

Love,
almost 30 Stephanie

16 year old Stephanie

almost 30 Stephanie

What would you tell your 16 year old self?



muffins, granola & cookies oh my!

I feel so gross I was dreading even writing a blog entry.

Why is it that even though you may know food is not the answer, that you know there are other ways to deal with frustrations & you KNOW you have been working so hard lately at staying on track, these things still happen?? I thought being at work would be good, but honestly its stressing me out. I'v been fighting with the short term disability, remembering that were short-staffed at work, and get home feeling wiped.  I didn't even make it to the gym today. I don't even want to think of what got stuffed into me, but I need to get it out of me somehow, so writing will do since vomiting is not an option.

2 (organic, jillian) pumpkin blueberry muffins 12 pts total
?? how many chocolate covered almonds ?Pts
some leftovers from last night ~5 pts
Sweet potato fries and little appetizer things ~9 pts
~1/4 cup light granola 2 pts
1 granola chocolate cookie 2 pts
1 MGD 64 1 pt

so... that means 31 pts + the chocolate almond points + the 10 I had total for breakfast & lunch. GROSS. this is the biggest binge I've had in a LONG time. The disability problems got solved so hopefully that wont be stressful tomorrow. I know not being able to go to the gym when I want is getting to me. I'm going to try going early before work tomorrow, then maybe a short time right after work to blow off some steam. I seriously spent a good portion of today wishing I could win the lottery or become a stay at home mom so I could not go to work, eat when I'm actually hungry. listen to my body & workout when I want. I HATE that life gets in the way of sucess. Or do we have to learn to adapt at life to be successful?

Kevin & I are going to Vermont this weekend. He grew up near Burlington, but doesn't have family there, has never had a reason to take me. I've never met him hometown friends, seen where he used to work, or went to school. I could always show him those place since we go by them everyday here. I'm excited to share these things with him, I can't believe its taken over 5 years to do it. We haven't really talked about things since saturday, I think just re-stabilizing the relationship is important to do before we really figure out what the next step is.

Heres what I need to do:
1. Tomorrow is WI day. I will WI (Im sure it will suck) my points will reset & I will work HARD at staying on track,
2. I will hit the gym in the AM and pack a bag to go directly from work, maybe for swimming if its nice out. If I really need to rest my foot after work, I will come home & lay in bed, upstairs away from food for 30 min.
3. I will buy NO new scratch tickets until I can stay OP for a whole week without bingeing (Ive become addicted to scrabble & Bingo scratch tickets lately!)

Thats my plan. sorry I write such long posts if your still reading this! haha
 
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