muffins, granola & cookies oh my!

I feel so gross I was dreading even writing a blog entry.

Why is it that even though you may know food is not the answer, that you know there are other ways to deal with frustrations & you KNOW you have been working so hard lately at staying on track, these things still happen?? I thought being at work would be good, but honestly its stressing me out. I'v been fighting with the short term disability, remembering that were short-staffed at work, and get home feeling wiped.  I didn't even make it to the gym today. I don't even want to think of what got stuffed into me, but I need to get it out of me somehow, so writing will do since vomiting is not an option.

2 (organic, jillian) pumpkin blueberry muffins 12 pts total
?? how many chocolate covered almonds ?Pts
some leftovers from last night ~5 pts
Sweet potato fries and little appetizer things ~9 pts
~1/4 cup light granola 2 pts
1 granola chocolate cookie 2 pts
1 MGD 64 1 pt

so... that means 31 pts + the chocolate almond points + the 10 I had total for breakfast & lunch. GROSS. this is the biggest binge I've had in a LONG time. The disability problems got solved so hopefully that wont be stressful tomorrow. I know not being able to go to the gym when I want is getting to me. I'm going to try going early before work tomorrow, then maybe a short time right after work to blow off some steam. I seriously spent a good portion of today wishing I could win the lottery or become a stay at home mom so I could not go to work, eat when I'm actually hungry. listen to my body & workout when I want. I HATE that life gets in the way of sucess. Or do we have to learn to adapt at life to be successful?

Kevin & I are going to Vermont this weekend. He grew up near Burlington, but doesn't have family there, has never had a reason to take me. I've never met him hometown friends, seen where he used to work, or went to school. I could always show him those place since we go by them everyday here. I'm excited to share these things with him, I can't believe its taken over 5 years to do it. We haven't really talked about things since saturday, I think just re-stabilizing the relationship is important to do before we really figure out what the next step is.

Heres what I need to do:
1. Tomorrow is WI day. I will WI (Im sure it will suck) my points will reset & I will work HARD at staying on track,
2. I will hit the gym in the AM and pack a bag to go directly from work, maybe for swimming if its nice out. If I really need to rest my foot after work, I will come home & lay in bed, upstairs away from food for 30 min.
3. I will buy NO new scratch tickets until I can stay OP for a whole week without bingeing (Ive become addicted to scrabble & Bingo scratch tickets lately!)

Thats my plan. sorry I write such long posts if your still reading this! haha