Hurting

I managed not to cry yesterday. Kept myself busy as I could. I hung the mirror up over the couch he said he would do 5 months ago.  Today I am feeling sick to my stomach. Not physically ill, I'm 90% sure it's coming from my head. To have your best friend, the person you love most in the world ripped from your life is unbearable.  To remember all the times shared, amazing moments, and things that may never happen now. I can't stop crying again, I just want to hear him say "I figured it out! I'm ready to marry you! I can't imagine my life without you in it! Let's do this!" I know that I will jump at the chance for us to be together again & in my heart I really think that some form of that will happen, at least I'm hopeful that it will.  Then, how would I trust him again, to know that the same thing wouldn't happen as a new wedding date approaches? This coming saturday was our original wedding date.  I don't think it would have really phased me if we were still together, but knowing that the wedding may never happen has gotten me to feel a whole new set of unhappiness. I miss him so much, and I last saw him saturday. I am literally counting down the hours until I will hear from him again.... I hope.