"You're scheming on a thing that's a mirage, I'm trying to tell you now it's Sabotage"

Today is thursday, which means, WI day. However, I did not WI. I swear it was an accident, I just totally forgot until after breakfast this morning, although maybe subconsciously I was avoiding it.  It seems like whenever I have a good week, it is shortly followed after that by a bad week, or a series of bad weeks.  I feel so proud of my success, determined to do it again and again. I see the light shining at the end of the tunnel & a voice cheering me on, "You can do it! You'll make it to goal, keep working at it!" Then somehow I disastrously screw it all up.

"Self-sabotage is when we say we want something then go about making sure it doesn't happen." ~Alyce Cornyn-Selby


I considered to myself why I let this happen....

1. I get lazy - I get tired of perfectly tracking points or getting up for early morning workouts. I seriously for some reason decide its not worth the effort, even though deep down I know it is.
2. I'm fearful of what comes next - While I want to become a thinner, healthier person, I think at some level I will begin to think now what? I'm no longer the girl struggling to be thinner, constantly worrying how chubby I am or how many points is that? I kind of stall up, nervous to make a giant leap to a thinner girl on a healthy mission.
3. I'm afraid of extra expectations- If I'm no longer a chubby girl then I won't have an excuse for running slow, eating dessert or having an extra glass of wine. I assume people will expect me to be a health nut all the time, and I just am not sure how I will fit that expectation. I hate letting people down. I usually would rather let myself down before letting someone else down.
4. 1 screwup = why even bother - Sometimes I get in the mentality that one extra bite, 1 small binge ruins my day, my week, my whole WW & healthy lifestyle plan. Once I get off track, I find it hard to move forward. I beat myself up instead of moving on.
5. low energy level - This is mainly due to the poor eating aka filling my body with crap. Not eating enough protein, eating too many starchy processed foods, and too much sugar. My energy crashes, and do you really expect me to be gung-ho on exercise and weight loss when I feel like a slug?
6. Stress/emotional eating - could be a whole other topic for another day. When I am stressing or upset, I use food to comfort me. Horrible habit, I've been working to overcome it for years. I'm getting better, but not there yet.

In the past I've definitely done things to stop the cycle, put a halt to this horrible self-sabotage I create. I've done...

1. Relax time after work - a non food related activity (usually listening to John Mayer with a glass of wine) for a certain amount of time before I can calmly make dinner without scarfing down the entire kitchen or pantry.
2. Pre-planning - "Those who fail to plan, plan to fail." or something like that I think it goes. When I schedule out my dinner meals for the week, grill my chicken for salads on sunday before the week starts, and think about my challenges the upcoming week holds, I feel more in control. When I have an attack plan I feel more motivated than when I do flying by the seat of my pants.
3. Eliminate temptations - Ice cream used to be a HUGE trigger for me. Now I don't keep it in the house. Stacy's Pita chips I have to keep far far away for fear of eating the whole bag. Recognizing the foods that make me jump ship into overindulgent land are outta here!
4. Keep myself busy - By cutting out alone & down time, I try to get rid of that bored "eating just to eat" habit. Painting my nails, reading a book or magazine, writing here, all keep me out of trouble in the kitchen.

Needless to say, I didn't follow any of my advice this week, so this week I will regain focus by doing the following...

1. Planning my meals
2. tracking daily
3. Considering my challenges (dinners out, etc)
4. working out consistently (and HARD!)
5. Getting enough sleep

Even as I post this, it is past my bedtime, but I really had the writing mood on to put this all down for you to read. Tomorrow I have a 50 min run planned for the morning, to follow after my great workout today. I did another bike-run brick. My run half was going pretty tough, I was at 5.5mph (hooray for getting faster!) doing random inclines and really feeling like I may keel over at any moment. Then, right before I was about to finish, I started to feel so good, I wished I had more time to run! I swear if I didn't have to go get ready for work, I would have ran another 10-20 min I think. Hopefully the run goes well tomorrow. I am going to try out a pair of new socks I bought from Road Runner Sports (which is my favorite place to buy running gear). They are Pearl Izumi Elite low socks, in pink of course! I'll post a review on them after I take them for a test run.

Tonight I was making dinner for Kevin & I. He got stuck in traffic when a car hit a state trooper on the highway, killed him & injured 3-5 others. We didn't know much of what was going on at the time, but found out later about it. I made a delicious dinner a coworker had told me to try. I made a cold sauce with chopped tomatoes, olive oil, fresh basil (from my garden), garlic, & brie cheese. I cooked organic whole wheat spaghettini, and sauteed some shrimp with olive oil & garlic, then combined. The cheese melted and make a yummy, lightly creamy sauce with the tomatoes. Dare you to try it ;)